no ketchup please

i felt like i was always rising up to the occasion. i was always the shoulder to cry on. i was the first one called when the rainclouds rolled in, and the last when the sun shone. don't get me wrong, i love the rain. i love to help, i love to be necessary. but every so often i have a thunderstorm of my own. i need to be helped. and help is a hard thing to ask for. he knew that aswell. so all of a sudden we were throwing ourselves into whichever pursuit would illicit the most dismal result. i didn't have to say a word as he carried my lifeless body, waited for me to come down and sober up. he didn't need to ask me to clean the blood from his hands.  we played this game of saviour and saved. and everything i did wrong, everytime he hurt me, it would all fall back to zero as the roles reversed. back and forth, checked and balanced, up and down. can you blame me for falling in love with the one who never forgot i like pepper on my french fries, but couldn't remember my birthdate? 

iambic pentameter

the only way i can liken it to anything tangible is through the example of light. imagine the light being sucked away, all the light. to where is not important. imagine everything that filled you up, that lifted you up, has slipped away silently. you can't pin down the exact moment when it occurred. all you know is the light is all gone. 

imagine anticipating the dark that will surely follow, you are waiting to plummet, and be embraced by the black. you know you are going somewhere where you can hide. the solace that you will find when you reach that inky dark place is what you dream of. imagine holding your breath, waiting for the instant when you finally hit the bottom.

imagine that time never coming. that is what it is. you are frozen, paralyzed, in limbo. you try desperately to rise up, you try so hard to fall down.  this is what i felt after i stopped to feel, before i begun to feel again. 

sixty two moons

62 times 24 hours. 

1,488 hours. 

that is 89,280 minutes. this is right where i was last time when i let those big numbers melt to zero. it's hard to think that my number could be double. it could be 2 times 89,280 minutes. 

178,560 minutes. and you know what? it will be.. it will be 1,000,000 minutes. my number is never going to get smaller again. my number is only going to grow from now on. there was a time when 15 felt like too many minutes. there was a time that i didn't want a single minute. not even a second. now i want all the minutes. every last one.