iambic pentameter

the only way i can liken it to anything tangible is through the example of light. imagine the light being sucked away, all the light. to where is not important. imagine everything that filled you up, that lifted you up, has slipped away silently. you can't pin down the exact moment when it occurred. all you know is the light is all gone. 

imagine anticipating the dark that will surely follow, you are waiting to plummet, and be embraced by the black. you know you are going somewhere where you can hide. the solace that you will find when you reach that inky dark place is what you dream of. imagine holding your breath, waiting for the instant when you finally hit the bottom.

imagine that time never coming. that is what it is. you are frozen, paralyzed, in limbo. you try desperately to rise up, you try so hard to fall down.  this is what i felt after i stopped to feel, before i begun to feel again. 

Lo's Toes..

where i wander and search and find and dream and laugh and dance and try and sing.

that love me for the girl i've become

the sun was white and the air was cool. there was no hot pavement scent. sat on a street i'd never sat on before. talked about all the things i'd done wrong, and all the things that did me wrong.  the trees danced to a tune not quite audible, their movement a melody unto itself. 

as we waited, for what i can never be sure, i taught her how to place a blade of grass between her thumbs. how to push air past the makeshift reed. to make a sound she couldn't before. her hand still stamped from the mistakes of last night. we waited. 

rewind/fastforward

i ran into this guy i knew. and it was one of those weird moments where all of a sudden the world stops and rewinds in the 2 seconds it takes you to inhale and you were right where you were 5 years ago. i remember how people used to remark on our similarities. we were always on the same page, always interested in the same subjects, always heading in the same direction. but now he's a tattoo artist. and i'm a medical student. as soon as those words whispered past his larynx i felt a silent pang of jealousy at his courage. i've always created, but never believed in myself enough to make it my career. and just then he went on to read my mind, and say that he wished he had the courage to embark on years of school. wished he found strength in his ability not to create, but to learn. and the world quickly fastforwarded and slowed to a crawl as we both realized without words how similar we've become and how different at the same time. isn't creation learning? isn't science art? aren't hospitals tattoo parlors? don't we both want to make our world, and the world, a better place? it's all the same, but completely different. 

utensil romance

Dear backpack-spoon,

i remember the moment i first laid eyes on you. it was a direct flight from vancouver to frankfurt. you arrived swathed in linen on my tray of airplane dinner. as soon as my hand grasped your brushed finish i knew i had to have you, forever and always. i'm not proud of the fact i procured you through theft, but know that i've never regretted that descion for a second. 

i can't begin to count the pudding cups, canned soups and bowls of instant oatmeal that i would never have know the pleasure of, without you. my snacking knows no boundaries outside of the normal jurisdiction of cutlery. my heart skips a beat when i reach into the depths of my backpack's second-smallest compartment and embrace your smooth shiny neck. 

i believe in the earth and the need to protect it. i like the subtle way that your presence in the cafeteria translates this message. when people see us together, they appreciate the beauty and the harmony of our relationship with each other, and our relationship with the planet. backpack-spoon, you truly make me a better person.

I've always been a long term relationship kind of girl, and knowing that you'll be there for me eases my fears of the unknown. when i reach for you, instead of some flimsy one-time-use plastic spoon, i feel safe. i like the fact that you have a story, that we have a story. i taste our history with every bite-full. you may not be the cleanest, but you are mine.  

i love you backpack-spoon,

xo Lo

glaciation

I am rendered powerless to it's immensity. i feel the gravity of it's presence the same way i feel my fingers. an extremity, a version of myself. I am consumed. I can't help but wonder what the earth must have been like when ice covered and engulfed it's being. before the ice caps were pushed to the tip of the hemishperes. when this glacier i stand before was at it's largest. at present it is just a shell of what it once was. with this in mind, the withered and dying glacier is far less consuming, far less intoxicating. i glance at everything else in it's wake. the coast, the sea, the hills, the lakes. all shaped by what this once was, not what it is today.

i think of the glaciers of my past. the things that shaped the landscape of who i am today. those once immense consuming aspects of my life that now lay withering in the poles of my soul.

the first love. advancing so rapidly i didn't have time to react. flowing like liquid, carving as though a solid mass. only to retreat just as fast as it came. leaving emotional till and moraines in it's wake.

the drugs. etching away at my mind and body carving valleys. eroding the layers that protect my soft core. exposing the minerals and elements of myself. dulling the peaks of my life into rolling hills.

the death. pieces of my whole calving into the sea. enunciating the cracks and crevasses. the ablation of someone i love. left eviscerated, and broken.

...the cyclical aspect of glaciation and the parallels to my life resound across the ice scape and through my body as the effects of isostasy rebalance the earth and my soul..

seattle-a

sixty two moons

62 times 24 hours. 

1,488 hours. 

that is 89,280 minutes. this is right where i was last time when i let those big numbers melt to zero. it's hard to think that my number could be double. it could be 2 times 89,280 minutes. 

178,560 minutes. and you know what? it will be.. it will be 1,000,000 minutes. my number is never going to get smaller again. my number is only going to grow from now on. there was a time when 15 felt like too many minutes. there was a time that i didn't want a single minute. not even a second. now i want all the minutes. every last one.